Sunday, October 02, 2005

Laugh it up

Its happening and I can feel it. It’s the smell just before the kill. Her hand on my head and the gut inside… Nobody said it was going to be easy, and impossible is what I was made to tackle. You call it arrogance, I call it veracity.

Ever wanted something that everybody was advising you against? All the time. ALL THE TIME. Is there a point in walking towards a goal that you know everyone will know you could get to?

Passion, stubbornness, confidence, faith, an unexplainable obsession, they are all different excuses or reasons. I choose what it should be.

First blood…. too soon? I like your sense of humour, I mean, it is so apparent that the strings lead all the way up to you. When you are smiling nothing else matters. The most excruciating feeling seems trifling.

You know it, you made me, your secret is out, well at least to me, not to say that I was smart enough to figure it out myself, I did get a lot of help from you.

Now I see it, now I don’t. Entertaining isn’t it? You make people build up dreams, visions, their whole lives and mindsets and then you tweak one little things and boom…. It all changes.

I have always been fighting people perceptions, judgements; it’s an irony, for me to be close to anyone I have to live with the fact that I might be judged.

I thought I was your favourite. This is fun for you. There is humour in teasing someone if the intent is clear; malice turns the whole picture another way.

Mixed signals, what are you saying? You make me so simple and then go ahead and complicate everything around me. They are your creation. I never communicate with anyone on a human level, or rather I look at something spiritual in everything around me. Coming from the school of thought that you are omnipresent, you are talking to me through ma family, friends, colleagues…

I have become so insensitive that my tears have dried up. I feel the pain but the tears disappear before they reach the eyes. The pain is not of rejection or failure; the pain is from the truth. A feeling so strong can be wrong…

Show me the face maa, please. A face I can look at and all the pain melts away, a picture that exudes happiness, a glint that makes fear look stupid.

I want to be strong enough to smile at misery in her face. I want to win against time. I want to be beyond human. It’s a desire so achievable in my head. Then reality kicks in. The most powerful tool is your heart and your worst enemy is your mind. The only way to win this war is the destruction of either one. Co-existence is what people say to make it easier to accept what they can see and do nothing about.

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